Kakashi Versus the Squirrel
by Kashi'sMine
Summary: Uhmmm... Kakashi got the idea a squirrel was a monster... And... Taught his dad to make toast.
1. Defeating the Squirrel

**OMG! First fanfic! Hi five me? Of course you will... Well... This is about Kakashi's plight to destroy all squirrels and make every breakfast food available with the most gorgeous teenaged girl ever seen in Konoha... Me. I know you're thinking "How do we know you're pretty?" Well I freakin' am. So deal. **

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**Oh my Kami (Lol I actually say that.) I figured out how to do the line thing! Hi-five me? Of course you will :) Now for the story. **

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Kakashi ran into his father's room. "I'm sleeping in here." He announced.

Sakumo spit out the toothpaste he'd been brushing his teeth with into the sink. "No." He said plainly.

Kakashi pouted, though it wasn't visible through his mask, which he'd been born in or something because that's all that explains why he was wearing it in his own home to bed. "Why not?" He asked.

"Cuz I don't want you to." His father answered from the bathroom as he desperately searched for a brush. His gorgeous hair didn't just happen. He brushed it like a zillion times a day.

"Why not?" Kakashi whined again.

"Do I need a reason?" His father asked while grooming his pretty silver hair.

"It would help."

"Uh... Why do you want to sleep in here anyways?"

"There's a monster in my closet."

"You fail as a six year old Chuunin."

Kakashi began to cry. "You fail as a father!"

Sakumo picked Kakashi up and set him on the dresser. He kneeled so he could look Kakashi in the eyes. "Do you know who your father is?" He asked seriously.

Kakashi cried even harder. "You're not my dad?" He wailed.

"No Kakashi that's not what I meant!" He said quickly. "Who else do you know with killer silver hair?"  
Kakashi sniffled. "Uncle Jiraiya?" The both shuddered.

"Your father is the White Fang of Konoha." Sakumo told him.

"Your point?"

"That, by default, makes you the Itty Bitty White Fang. The Fanglet. Junior Fang, if you will."

"The White Fang is you, right? I'm just makin' sure."

Sakumo sighed. "Yes.

"So what do I do?"  
"You explain to him who you are and ask him to leave. If he doesn't... You kill him."

"Will you come with me?"

"Will you teach me to make toast?"

It was Kakashi's turn to sigh. "Yes dad, I will teach you to make toast."

"I'll wait in the hall. This is the sort of thing you gotta do on your own, kid."

The walked to his room. Sakumo patted his son the back and Kakashi opened the door and stepped into his room.

In his room Kakashi began a conversation with a squirrel that'd somehow gotten into his room. He believed that squirrel to be a monster. "Mr. Monster my dad is the White Fang of Konoha. I'm his son, the Fanglet. Please leave."

The squirrel continued to go insane and peed on the floor.

Kakashi, taking the urination as a challenge, launched his tiny body at the squirrel and began to strangle it.

"Thake that you furry son of a..." He shouted.

"You don't know that monster's parents!" His father shouted from the hall.

Just then the squirrel stopped resisting. It was dead. Kakashi opened the door to inform his father. "I killed it, cuz it challenged me by peeing on the carpet."

Father and son slapped five at his accomplishment. "Good job. Now throw it's lifeless carcass out the window and go to bed. In the morning we're making toast."


	2. Making Toast with Hatake Men

**Mmmkay. Second chapter... Cool cool cool. This one goes out to my retarded little sister... Who was retarded enough to keep me up until 6:47 AM so I could hear her be on the radio. I'm indulging her by dedicating this to her... Cuz she'll be in a hospital bed later. ^.^ Jk**

Kakashi woke up the next morning to find his father poking him in the face rather than the other way around as he usually awoke Sakumo. "Kakashi. Kakashi. Kakashi. Kakashi." Sakumo was repeating. Kakashi opened his eyes. "We're making toast!" He said excitedly.

"Saru*..." Kakashi groaned tiredly.

"Get up!" His father ordered.

"Nemuri~..." He groaned again.

Sakumo picked Kakashi up out of the bed, walked into the bathroom, set him in the tub, and ran cold shower water over him. "Unari" Kakashi said and went to put on dry clothes and a dry mask. Sakumo watched Kakashi tighten his mask and brush his gorgeous silver hair.

"Why do you wear that mask?" Sakumo asked.

"Wasn't I born with a mask on?"

"I dunno."

"WEREN'T YOU THERE?" Kakashi yelled irritably. Mornings were not little Kashi's favorite part of the day.

"In all truths I had a mission and..."

"Did I have a mask on the first time you saw me?"

"No."

"You mean the second one is removable from my face?"

"Hai."

"HOLY CRAP!" Kakashi exclaimed and took off his masks. He took a deep breath and looked at his face in a mirror for the first time in six years. "I'm freakin' hot!"

Sakumo chuckled. "Yes, we Hatake men are quite attractive." They both put their right hand on their chin and took a breath inwards. "Can we make toast now?" Sakumo asked.

Locating the kitchen Kakashi ordered his dad to get the bread and butter. They each had a piece of bread. "Now Dad." Kakashi was saying to Sakumo. "You spread the butter on the bread beforehand so that it melts in the toaster." They spread the butter nice and evenly. "Good. Then you put them in the toaster and set it for three minutes." They followed Kakashi's steps again. "Now you wait for it to ding then you grab a fork and stab the end and eat if off of the fork like a corndog or something."

"What's a corndog?" Sakumo asked.

Kakashi thought for a minute. "I dunno I just made it up."

"Nice!" Sakumo said and hi-fived Kakashi.

"Are we even supposed to have toasters?" Kakashi asked.

"I dunno." His father replied. "Ask the girl that's writing this."

I blushed. "Uhm... Well I figured you'd like toast." I supplied.

"What do _you _like?" Kakashi asked me.

"I like waffles." I informed them.

"Can we make waffles next chapter?" Sakumo begged.

"Sure... I'm gonna go now..." I answered slowly and the toaster dinged.

The two Hatake men sat there like total idiots trying to eat toast. They were burning their tongue and throats because they'd been eating them too soon out of the toaster and the toast was kinda crunchy because they hadn't added jelly to make it better.

"I don't like toast..." Sakumo said after a minute.

"Ditto." Was Kakashi's response.

"We make waffles tomorrow." They said at the same time.

*Saru- go away

~Nemuri- Sleep

Unari- growl


	3. Mm Waffles

**It's the waffle chapter! In case you don't know me... (And believe me most of you don't.) I looooooove waffles. Like they're the only thing I eat. They're my tomatoes. My ramen. My... My... Hm... I'll get back to you on it. Anyways... I waffles. I don't like eggs, or toast, I'll take cereal. But I like waffles best. Needless to say... Favorite chapter. **

Kakashi and Sakumo woke up at the excact same time and ran down the stairs in an effort to be the first one to the freezer to prepare waffles. In a last ditch attempt at victory Sakumo tripped little Kashi and he fell down the stairs. Kakashi began to cry and throw chocolate covered senbon at Sakumo while Sakumo foolishly tried to eat the senbon, thinking they were pocky sticks.

I stood up from my place on their counter. "Goooood morning, boys!" I said cheerily. "Who wants waffles?"

"Are you stalking us?" Sakumo asked.

"No..." I said slowly. "I know you two are idiots who can't make toast and making waffles is an _excact science_. So I'm gonna help you." I smiled.

"Is there a catch?" Kakashi asked slowly.

"Yes. Yes there is." I said honestly.

"What's that?" Sakumo asked me.

"When Kakashi's all grown up and awesome I have to get a hug." I said.

Kakashi looked at me. "Meh. Fine."

"Feelin' unloved but okay. To the freezer!"

"We have a freezer?" They asked simultaneously as I pulled out the box of chocolate chip waffles and got out six, two for each of us.

"Now... The first thing you do is put the waffles in the microwave. 15 seconds for each one, kay?"

"And a microwave?" I rolled my eyes.

I set the timer for one minute and thirty seconds as I got out the butter, peanut butter, and syrup. The microwave dinged and I got out the waffles, three plates, three forks, and three butter knives. I put two waffles on each plate and distributed them.

"First you put butter on each waffle." I said and began spreading butter on my waffles. They did the same as I did until we were done. "Then you put peanut butter and syrup on one of them." They watched and did as I did. "Then you put the first waffle on top of the one with peanut butter and syrup." They copied me. "Ta-da!" I exclaimed. "Waffles..."

"These look better than our toast did." Kakashi said and took a bite of his waffle sandwich. "Mmmm..."

Sakumo, seeing his son's approval, did the same as Kashi. "They _are _good!" He agreed with a full mouth. I smiled.

"Thank you." I said in between bites.

"Why don't we make pancakes tomorrow morning?" Sakumo suggested. I threw my knife at him.

"I don't eat pancakes." I said dangerously.

"Okay..." He said while Kakashi looked at me like I was insane.

I finished up my waffle. "Muffins." I said and walked out the door.

"Bye!" They both called as I left.

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**Favorite if you heart waffles!**

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Author's Note: My other story kinda feels unloved... Cuz you know... That's the one I actually try on... Ironic that this one is more popular even though the chapters are completed within an hour each.

Anyways.

If you could all at least LOOK at the other story (Assassinations in the Rainbow Village) I would be very much obliged.

^.^


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